Getting behind

Well kids, word of advice...never ever, ever get behind in neuroanatomy! It's a doozy:-) Good times 'cept it's the workload of anatomy and histology combined, but it's really interesting stuff. Also, if applying for medical school, don't sign a waiver relinquishing rights to see your application. I did so, not realizing that it would come back to get me later (funny thing is, when you want to apply for scholarships, they like to see the letters of recommendation that you received and signing a release means you don't have access to them....silly people. Very frustrating...so pass that on to all the med school applicants that you know!).

So, I find it funny that one of the 2nd year's who tutors us joined this Facebook group called "Hey Med school, high school called and they want their drama back". How freaking appropriate. I don't even know if it's more from the students or the administration/professors. Hopefully I won't get in trouble for writing this, but sometimes life at this particular med school is not what was I expecting. With all those ice storms over finals week and losing power and all that, finals were one of the most stressful environments for test taking that I have ever experienced. For this reason, many people failed. We were given the option to retake the finals the first week of classes (talk about starting off the semester with a bang!). Some did take advantage of this option. One of the classes was biochem. Now, in the past at my school, biochem has been somewhat of a laughable class. I wouldn't say that it's something that many students get much out of (it is, in fact, the lowest scoring section on boards for our students). Well, the professors, in all their wisdom, decided to change the class around. Good idea, no? Well, it actually turned out to be one of the worse decisions they've made because while they changed the schedule of what information was taught at certain periods of the semester, none of the professors really changed their lecture material (tenure tends to make some lazy), so what could have been just a silly, useless class turned into this huge mess where we were studying 30 pages of condensed notes per test (there were 5 a semester so can you imagine what full note packets looked like). So, anyways, the point to my story....thus far 1 person has been suspended from school, two people have failed the class (both are repeat students who failed other classes but managed to pass this class last year), and one person has been kicked out permanently. Talk about craziness. In general, the feeling of the class is quite depressed. There are numerous students who are no longer showing up for class (I'm sure there are going to be more drop-outs and/or suspensions coming). It just really makes me wonder about whether or not I'm in the right place. I know I've talked about this before and it was during very stressful times of the semester, but right now, I am not stressed quite yet. I know IU would have been very similar with not treating students with gloved hands, so to speak, but it just seems that that caring environment that drew me here is no longer present (at least from the administrator side...it's funny as it's almost a direct reversal from last semester when it felt like the students were the ones creating the problems for each other). I don't know what the future holds, but I would really appreciate some prayer for direction. I don't know if OK is the place for me, or if I'll be returning to IN or going elsewhere. I just hope and pray that where ever I'm supposed to be will be clearly revealed and that it will be somewhere where I am at peace and know for sure that I am supposed to be. I know that the road is not promised to be easy and these experiences that I'm facing may very well be simply tests of my character, but it would be nice to know if they are simply that or if I'm uneasy because of other reasons. So all, not to leave you on a depressing note but I'll write more on that later, but I thought I would leave you with some photos of happy times thus far this semester:-)

























This is McKaila and I. She's a very sweet 2nd year. We worked together setting up the Holiday Ball. Don't know what I would do without her sweet smile on some days.























Ronak and Kristen, two very good friends as well. Don't they both look spiffy...well, consider us all looking haggard and wearing scrubs with no makeup and shaving (well, for Ronak at least, lol)

Let's Salsa!

L to R: Lynn (I learned that I went to HS with her in 9th grade at Christian Center. She was a Senior...crazy!), me, Brooke, and Krystal

Time for an update: almost two weeks in. The plate is full. Neuroanatomy occupies much of the time, but microbiology/immunology is a close second (amazing what happens when you can't understand the professor's accent). Physiology is a joke (thus far, but I've been warned not to underestimate it ..waiting until cardiology...apparently that is quite difficult). Clinical skills is fun. We practiced testing the cranial nerves on Monday. Felt like a kid playing with big people toys. The Doc leading our group was the oldest of the bunch and the most experienced. While we were watching the introductory video, he kept leaning over asking me questions. I have to say, that was quite intimidating. I learned later that this guy is QUITE the character. Apparently, he makes his wife call him Dr. Stees:-) Haha...gotta love the old timers. Medical Information Science is the class to skip this semester. If I hear "evidence-based medicine" anytime soon, it would be too soon.
On to fun stuff. I signed up for a Salsa/Ballroom dancing class at the local community college. It's something I've always wanted to do, so I finally just went and found somewhere. Last Friday, a couple of ladies and I went to the local salsa club and attempted to dance...I say that because we are all lacking in the salsa department:-)
Well, back to Neuro...more to come later...love you all!

Home- where the heart is

My my, how quickly things change in medical school. One moment, the top of the world, the next the lowest of low. Something no one ever warned me about was what an emotional wreck I could become in pursuing this dream. I was so ready to come back. My Christmas vacation was fairly turbulent as my family is going through so much right now and I was so wanting to be back in Oklahoma. Now that I'm back, I want only to be back home. Home- what a wonderful place. People accept you, love you, and usually like you. How is that I have never felt so out of sorts in this home away from home? I miss being able to say what I want to say and not have people give me strange looks; I miss feeling like one of the gang and not the outsider that I am here; and I miss that loving warm environment that seems to be so desperately lacking here. Yes, I try to stay busy. I study, eat, study, sleep, study, class, study....but there's nothing quite like studying and being somewhere where I feel that I belong. Sometimes I feel like these 4 years could not go by quickly enough. What's funny is that I've tried to make friends here. I really have. Normally (in other words, back home), I would have had no trouble by now, but for some reason, I seem unable to find that special someone that I can hang out with, talk to, and share my frustrations and joys (and they theirs as well). I'm really quite mystified as to how to proceed. The sense of not belonging only makes me want to pull back more into myself and find my own little corner to hide in, but I know that this isn't the answer...it isn't, but it would be all too easy.

Back home (away from home?) in Tulsa. The trip down was uneventful. After I got back though, my radiator started leaking, so now I'm driving a big 'ol red rental truck until I can get it into the shop. There's just something about a truck. I kinda like it:-) Vroom, vroom...sexy haha.
Break was really nice. I got to see all my family. Kinda crazy at the house right now. I was happy to get back to Tulsa, but then again, as soon as I was on the road, I started getting homesick again. Classes start on Monday and will help take my mind off of all that. I was happy to leave all the snow though. I love the 60* weather here:-) Maybe I might just like this Southern-style living, hehe.
I loved seeing all my friends. Missed everyone terribly this past semester and was glad to see most of them. Sniff, Shannon, I love you even though I didn't get to see you! Well, kids, I get to go to school today and study Anatomy. Yes, you thought I was done, but unfortunately with the awful ice storm we had during finals week, we never managed to get one final finished, so I will be doing that this coming Friday. Wish me luck and hugs to you all!