Home- where the heart is

My my, how quickly things change in medical school. One moment, the top of the world, the next the lowest of low. Something no one ever warned me about was what an emotional wreck I could become in pursuing this dream. I was so ready to come back. My Christmas vacation was fairly turbulent as my family is going through so much right now and I was so wanting to be back in Oklahoma. Now that I'm back, I want only to be back home. Home- what a wonderful place. People accept you, love you, and usually like you. How is that I have never felt so out of sorts in this home away from home? I miss being able to say what I want to say and not have people give me strange looks; I miss feeling like one of the gang and not the outsider that I am here; and I miss that loving warm environment that seems to be so desperately lacking here. Yes, I try to stay busy. I study, eat, study, sleep, study, class, study....but there's nothing quite like studying and being somewhere where I feel that I belong. Sometimes I feel like these 4 years could not go by quickly enough. What's funny is that I've tried to make friends here. I really have. Normally (in other words, back home), I would have had no trouble by now, but for some reason, I seem unable to find that special someone that I can hang out with, talk to, and share my frustrations and joys (and they theirs as well). I'm really quite mystified as to how to proceed. The sense of not belonging only makes me want to pull back more into myself and find my own little corner to hide in, but I know that this isn't the answer...it isn't, but it would be all too easy.